Saturday, 8 December 2012

Insomniac musings and my voice

Insomniac musings

It appears my insomnia is back. This is inconvenient to say the least. I have a small child who wakes up at roughly half six which isn't a bad time for a child his age but when you only went to sleep at 4am its a bit of a killer.

Ive tried everything over the years but i have to say motherhood seemed to be the cure, i am normally so exhausted by the time bedtime rolls round that i fall asleep no problem. Well that's not happening anymore and I'm not happy about it.

So what have i tried before? I've tried, warm milky drinks, lavender in every way you can imagine, warm baths, massage, pressure point cones, meditation, self hypnosis, a strange mask with lights in, medication herbal and prescription it goes on and on.

The only success's were the prescription medication but that has its draw backs, groggy morning etc and the pressure point cones which were discontinued.

So where do i go from here? I need something that makes me sleep but allows me to wake up at any time for my son and with no morning grogginess. So not asking too much then. Any ideas? i'd love to hear your suggestions. 

Have you noticed how thoughts at night seem to take on a darker tint, like the darkness seeping into your thoughts and turning them into more melancholy versions of your day time grumbles. As an aside i love the word melancholy, there is a grocers near my house called 'Melon Cauli' it always makes me smile.

Well tonight my thoughts are veering unhelpfully towards the dark side, no I'm not talking truly dark just dark for me. I'm a crap daughter, i keep putting things off that really need doing. I am beyond useless as a house wife, is my poor health due to the fact that i am such a useless person in some way?

See, Dark! After a good night sleep these thoughts resolve and recede but right now they are alive and kicking.

My Voice

While in this dark sleepless state i begin to doubt myself and one of the things I've been doubting is my'voice' as a blogger.

Have i been a bit cupcake when I'm naturally a bit more salted caramel, you know still sweet but with a little more bite?

Should the blog be your true voice or the voice you aspire to?

Is it a sign I'm not being true to myself that I'm not comfortable sharing my Blog with friends and family or is that just due to lack of confidence.

I'm not sure 3:05 am is the best time to be thinking of this.

I will attempt to sleep on it and hopefully come back in a more positive frame of mind.

Good night people and thanks for reading.

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