Like a Nat this subject buzzes around my subconscious all the time, nibbling away at me.
Am i failing my son, does he lose out because of my fibromialgia? Is it my fault he isn't as rough and tumble as some other little boys his age? Guilt, that age old mothers curse.
My husband read this and said it made him very sad, i didn't mean it that way. This is just how it came out. It's just how i feel sometimes when I'm a little low. I don't feel like this every day, just on days like today when i did a little too much yesterday and had to spend the majority of today resting.
Little BoyLittle boys tumble, jump, run and play.
How much of this did i give you this day?
Little boys wild and free
Did you feel the wind whisper merrily?
Little boys, dirty and tired from playing in long grass forests.
How much of this life do i give you if honest?
I spend the time, that is true but little boy am i failing you?
Mommy cant run and Mommy cant hide
Mommy cant bend without pained noise
I try little boy, i promise i do
I give you all i have through and through
We laugh and tickle
Read and paint
Play dough, blocks and stickle bricks of late
Sensory trays and imaginary play
Is it enough without the melee?
Am i failing your gross motor skills
by living with mommy's many ills
I smile and wave as Daddy takes you off
To run, kick, climb and scrabble
To come back smelling of grass, air and brooks that babble
A knee torn or knuckle bare
I shut the door, not showing a care
I go to bed to shed a tear
Wishing life wasn't so contained to my armchair
What do you wish you could do differently? How do you feel about the way you mother your children.
I'd love to hear.