I’ve been thinking about writing a letter like this for a while. I saw the letter Beth over at Plasticrosaries wrote as part of the blogging challenge in May to her 13 year old self but my 13th year was a BAD one so I couldn’t face that. Then in a twitter conversation between Cas @mummynevasleeps and
@playfuelblog where it was suggested Cas write a letter to her 15 year self sparked my interest. You can see Cas’s letter here and her challenge to write one yourself. This is my attempt. Victoria
Now I know you don’t really listen to authority figures and to be honest that doesn’t get easier for you but it’s your 30 year old self, I don’t claim to be an authority on anything so maybe listen for a bit, yeah? I do have some stern words for you to start with. I know I know, I won’t go on.
Start eating! I don’t want to hear that rubbish about saving your dinner money so you have more pocket money. We both know it isn’t true. It’s about control. I know you don’t have nearly enough of this at present but a slice of toast and one meal a day is not nearly enough for an active girl like you. So eat, that pizza at break time always smells so gooood.
Also while I’m issuing orders, start working at school, you’re only hurting yourself by not. Thank god your teachers haven’t given up on you, they see the potential. Please see it in yourself.
Please stop sticking up for your foster mother. She married him; she decided to live with his controlling ways. It’s not your place. It only gets you into trouble. You know challenging his opinion means you lose out, did walking to school last winter in nothing more than your blazer after daring to question his choice of coat for you teach you nothing. You mouth off you lose out, but you can’t keep quiet.
All your quiet space is used up by the one secret you keep; there is no room for anything more. All the rest gets ranted at the world.
I know you won’t believe it but within the next year your life changes beyond recognition. Help comes not from where it should but from where it always has done.
It’s not the average life of a teenager but it works and gives you the freedom to grow up, to live. Don’t listen to the criticisms of your cooking, your little oddball ‘family’ might not appreciate your efforts now but you’ll be their go to guy one day for cakes and comfort food. Imagine that!
I’ll warn you now. You make some terrible choices, maybe ones that people with supportive parents would probably be steered away from but in all honestly, the worst decisions are the ones that lead you to your happiest times. Bizarre but true.
You’ll find love and security. As with most things in life, it doesn’t come easy. He is a difficult package but he is worth it and you are strong enough to deal with him. He completes you like you didn’t think possible. He makes you believe in things like love and trust. They do exist, who would have thought? You tell him your secret and he makes you see things in a whole new light, it isn’t your fault and he makes you believe this. I know you can’t understand that now but it’s true.
And shock of all shocks, not being able to love isn’t hereditary. You can do it and you do, very well.
I know you are dead set against having children and rightly so at your age. But I’ll let you into a little secret. It’s your calling, it’s the one thing you do that feels 100% right. However hard u find it and it is hard. I promise you, you are good at it. Better than you ever thought possible.
So stay strong, change is coming. It won’t all be good but it gets you to a better place. A happy, loving place that you deserve.
Much love, your 30 year old self.
p.s You get a Saturday job in a jewellers soon, do not spend all your spare cash on their entire range of silver jewellery. You loose your jewellery box in one of your many house moves and it all goes so save it instead. And stop rolling your eyes at me…………..
p.p.s repeat after me bad boys are not worth the hassle, tattoos and an attitude does not maketh a man. Um, what did i say....the eyes missy!